Originally from Mississippi, Rev. Elizabeth McCain is a spiritual counselor, and energy practitioner in private practice in Takoma Park, Maryland. She supports people's soul development through grief, life transitions and forgiveness. Her interfaith ministry also includes being a celebrant for lesbian and gay weddings at All Souls Unitarian Church in Washington, DC. Elizabeth and her partner Marie share a home with their dachshunds, Teddy and Tama. She was ordained in October 2009.
My Difficult Neighbor and Teacher
Have I got a juicy interfaith story! Have you ever encountered a person from another faith who challenged your interfaith theology and put your ordination vows to the test? As an extroverted Southerner, I usually love meeting people of different spiritual paths, sharing our stories, and finding common ground. And then there are times when I find it is difficult to find common ground, like when I encounter someone from a fundamentalist faith tradition. I’ll share the insight I gained about myself.
Last summer, my partner Marie and I were on a plane returning from Houston, TX, where we had visited my only living elder, my dear Aunt Sue. Although I enjoyed our visit, we had been around my Republican Southern Baptist cousins about a day too long. So I was tired and eager to get home. I like to sit by the aisle, and Marie likes the window seat. Soon a friendly middle aged woman, Anne, sat between us and pulled out a book with a title like Jesus Saves. I was reading my book, The Return of the Feminine and World Soul. I assumed she was a fundamentalist Christian and worried she would share her testimony. I just intuitively felt it coming. But being a rather newly ordained interfaith minister, I reminded myself to remain open and accepting.
Anne and I began to chat and discovered that we had both lost our parents and had only one living aunt left. So, our conversation deepened about grief and mortality, topics about which I am passionate. I felt connected to her and was enjoying our conversation. Then things shifted.
When she learned that I was an interfaith minister, she was curious and a bit confused about what that meant. In other words, she wanted to know if I accepted Jesus as my savior. At first I dodged the question. Anne revealed that she was a Messianic Jew, and a very enthusiastic one, I might add. She told me her story of how she fell in love with Jesus in Houston, and that she believed Jesus was the only path to salvation and true happiness. My stomach tightened and I struggled with how to respond. I’ll let you know a bit about my religious and spiritual background. I grew up in a tiny town in northeast Mississippi in the 1960's and 70’s in a tiny Episcopal church. My parents had been reared Southern Baptist. As an adult I’ve explored lots of spiritual paths – Shamanic, Goddess, Jungian psychology, metaphysical, Buddhist, and have attended Unitarian Universalist churches. Recently, I’ve returned to a progressive Episcopal church. I’m truly interfaith and believe there are so many beautiful paths to the Divine. I’m Christian friendly now, but do not identify as a traditional Christian. I think of Jesus as a shamanic spirit guide and teacher, not as my savior. I knew Anne would not understand my eclectic spiritual background. She triggered my memories of being judged by my family members when I came out as a lesbian and when I began exploring spiritual paths outside of Christianity.
Anne kept asking me what I believed and if I belonged to a church. I feared her judgment. So I took a deep breath, and said a quick prayer to myself for assistance. Then something magical happened. I calmed down, slowed down, leaned into her and said, “Anne, I really get how meaningful it is for you to love Jesus as a Jewish woman. He was such a wise Rabbi. I think there are many paths to God. All religions are really about love, compassion, and forgiveness. So as an interfaith minister, I accept and respect people wherever they are on their spiritual path. On a soul level, we are all united in God’s love.” I then explained that I grew up Episcopalian and that I attend two churches now, a Unitarian one and an Episcopal one, and that my spiritual practice is mindfulness meditation from the Buddhist tradition. She still looked confused, rambled on about the precious blood of the lamb, and how she wished more jewish people would realize that Jesus was the true savior. I thanked her for sharing her story with me. Then I introduced her to my partner Marie. She realized she was in the middle of a lesbian sandwich!
She became more uncomfortable and returned to reading her Jesus book. I returned to my Goddess book. Marie glanced up from her mystery book with the look of “Oh my, Elizabeth, how do you get into these situations?” Somehow I felt more at peace. I faced my fears of being confronted by a fundamentalist about my beliefs, and shared my interfaith perspective with confidence. My experiences with so many religious and spiritual traditions at ChI really helped ground me in my own interfaith/interspiritual perspective. I’m glad that I still embrace a diversity of spiritual adventures.
Although this was a challenging conversation for me so early in my interfaith ministry, I am now grateful for this experience. I realize that even though there were divisive moments, I attempted to stay connected to someone whose opinions were very different from mine. I also realized that Anne was mirroring a part of my shadow. I experienced Anne’s arrogance and judgments, as well as my own toward her. The voice of my ego wanted to create more separation with her. Then I attempted to really embody my interfaith values and accept and respect her spiritual journey. I can also have compassion for this woman who is trying her best to do what she thinks is right. Maybe she’s found the right spiritual path for her soul’s growth. I could have compassion and respect for myself for staying engaged with this difficult woman.
At a soul level, it didn’t matter what Ann’s beliefs were. I didn’t need her approval. I wasn’t going to change her, nor was she going to change me. She is on her own spiritual journey following her calling and I’m following mine. Perhaps we could be vastly different and I could still connect on some common ground. At least I tried to do this.
I’ve been reflecting on my ordination vows created and affirmed back in October 2009. I’d like to share three of them that I believe were somehow in my consciousness during this interfaith challenge with my Messianic Jewish neighbor.
“I welcome the unconscious and unwanted as familiar teachers for my soul’s growth.”
“I will bring kindness, honesty, and deep listening to each of my relationships.”
“I honor all spiritual paths as people seek meaning, purpose and direction.”
Isn’t it powerful to reflect on our ordination vows as a guide to assess our interfaith ministries? I remind myself that it is progress, rather than perfection that is important.
I’ve been reading Karen Armstrong’s new book 'Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life' and studying her Charter for Compassion. The charter is an international interfaith initiative focused on bringing more compassion, understanding and cooperation among humankind in the world. My hope is that it reaches a diverse group of people from all religious and all spiritual paths, and those of none. Here is part of Armstrong’s Charter for Compassion.
“The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical, and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves. Compassion impels us to dethrone ourselves from the center of our world and put another there, and to honor the sanctity of every human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.”
I encourage all of us as students, interfaith ministers, chaplains and seekers to reflect on our difficult neighbors. It is crucial for us to have our awareness and acceptance of our reactions, projections, and judgments towards those of different religious and/or spiritual views. Finding a way to connect beyond our differences at a soul level creates an interfaith bridge. Perhaps we then can soften our judgments and relax into Divine unity. For there is no “other”.
May we accept our differences as expressions of a Divine Mosaic. May we have patience and compassion for our neighbors and ourselves – for our shadow and our light. May we let go of ideas and opinions that separate us, and be liberated by our knowing that we are always connected to one another in Spirit’s love and embrace of all of us.
Amen. Namaste. May it be so.
