Maturity and growth do not end at adolescence. Throughout adulthood the process continues yet, there seem to be fewer and fewer opportunities to simply take note of life’s changing landscape. Unless markers are set and appreciated, days pass unnoticed, their significance lost.
This reminds me of the first time I hiked to Half Dome in Yosemite. Starting from the valley floor it was a strenuous day-long trek, which in retrospect, was so much more than hiking up a mountain. I remember the bridge over the river, negotiating the narrow stairs to the top of Vernal Falls, the hot ascent to Nevada Falls, the welcome level terrain of Little Yosemite Valley, etc. Without my noting the many points that punctuated the journey, the hike would have totaled no more than ten hours of walking that landed me right where I started.
My climb to Half Dome mirrors life. With our first breath, the journey begins, and as we exhale our last, this lifetime ends. Our stories are simultaneously the same yet vastly different. Periods of joy, triumph, disappointments and grief reflect the paradox of separateness and commonality.
Rituals are markers to help us take note of life. Buddhist teacher Sogyal Rinpoche states:
“At the heart of all religions is the certainty that there is a fundamental truth, and that this life is a sacred opportunity to evolve and realize it.” (1)
Truth, especially personal truth, is not just the domain of religions. “Fundamental truth” can be expressed as a ritual that proclaims both belonging and individuality.
Life transitions (birth, marriage, death, graduations, divorce, moving, etc.) are often brushed aside or downplayed, when in fact they are markers of spiritual emergence. The emotion evoked, be it sorrow or joy, is not important; the transition’s impact on us is what matters. If they are not noticed and affirmed, life’s lessons of compassion and wisdom fail to broaden our intellect or deepen our hearts.
Especially for women, midlife and its tumultuous physical, emotional and spiritual challenges can be confusing. From dealing with an empty nest, to symptoms of menopause, caring for aging parents or, lamenting wrinkling skin, weight gain or sagging breasts, the opportunity is present to heal hurts, reflect on what attitudes work, and discard what doesn’t work in life. It is a time for women to embrace their blessed, unique qualities and the wisdom they carry, and to blossom more fully into themselves.
As a possible response to midlife, a mantra follows. It can be recited as part of a support group or alone as a prelude to personal prayer. The affirmations take on power when given voice and spoken out loud. Please edit freely so the words mirror what your eyes witness and your heart feels.
May you appreciate and nurture the beauty of your spirit throughout life, in noticing and opening to life.
________________________________
MIDLIFE MANTRA
Through transitions of midlife, I notice and claim
the powerful spiritual emergence within.
I affirm the sacred opportunities this time holds.
My goal is to honor and live my wisdom
as gifts of love and healing
for myself, for others and for the world.
Redefining Hope
Life’s hardships impart bitterness or wisdom;
it is wisdom I embrace.
“Wisdom is the learning we get from making mistakes.”
—Starhawk (2)
“At the heart of all religions is the certainty
that there is a fundamental truth,
and that this life is a sacred opportunity
to evolve and realize it.”
—Sogyal Rinpoche (3)
Wounding births compassion;
I hold others and myself with compassionate care.
“Anyone who has made us suffer
is undoubtedly suffering too.”
—Thich Nhat Hanh (4)
“You become the wounded healer,
someone who has made the descent
and knows the territory.”
—Thomas Moore (5)
Life is to be lived;
I work to hold each moment with awareness.
“The real voyage of discovery consists
not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes.”
—Marcel Proust (6)
“My business is not to remake myself,
but make the absolute best of what God made.”
—Robert Browning (7)
Nurturing Spirit
By allowing myself to grieve, my heart begins to heal.
“We fear that once acknowledged grief will bowl us over.
The truth is that grief expressed does dissolve.
Grief unexpressed is grief that lasts indefinitely.”
—Judy Tatelbaum (8)
“The only way
to make sense out of change
is to plunge with it,
move with it,
and join the dance.”
—Alan Watts (9)
Life is a spiritual journey,
midlife reveals its depths.
“…the actual task is
to integrate the two threads of one’s life
…the within and the without.”
—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (10)
“…for that which you seek,
if you find it not within yourself,
you will never find it without.”
—Starhawk (11)
Loving myself, I am radiant.
“…if women can learn to surrender the seductiveness of youth
and to value themselves by other than
adolescent standards of beauty, they can explore
the dignity of ‘elder beauty.’ ”
—Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi & Ronald S. Miller (12)
“God shaped you
and made our shapes beautiful.”
—Qur’an (13)
Love cannot be earned; I receive love freely.
“Doing is a function of the body.
Being is a function of the soul.”
—Conversations with God (14)
“God and I
will forever cherish
Myself.”
—Rabia (15)
Disarming Fears
It is my choice;
the emotions I grasp
are the emotions I feel.
“…if you wish to receive divine joy and God,
first pour out your clinging to things.”
—Meister Eckhart (16)
“All of your holy scriptures—
of every religious persuasion and tradition—
contain the clear admonition,
'Fear not.' Do you think this is by accident?”
—Conversations with God (17)
Without darkness, I would not know light.
“In …darkness you see things
you couldn’t see in the daylight.
Skills and powers of soul emerge
from your frustration and ignorance.”
—Thomas Moore (18)
“Who ever got the idea
that we could have pleasure without pain?...
But pain and pleasure go together
they are inseparable…
Birth is painful and delightful.
Death is painful and delightful…
Pain is not punishment;
pleasure is not a reward.”
Pema Chodron (19)
____________________________________
In closing:
Divine Creator,
For this gift of life, I am grateful.
My spirit is held in love.
My hopes spring forth from love.
My fears dissolve with love.
As I am loved,
May I share my love.
AMEN.
____________________________________
NOTES
1. Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1993.
2. Starhawk, The Pagan Book of Living and Dying, San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1997.
3. Rinpoche, 1993.
4. Fox, Matthew, One River, Many Wells, New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2004.
5. Moore, Thomas, Dark Night of the Soul, New York: Gotham Books, 2004.
6. Pinkney, Maggie (compiled by), The Essence of Zen, Victoria, Australia: The Five Mile Press, 2005.
7. Pinkney, 2005.
8. Rinpoche, 1993.
9. Pinkney, 2005.
10. Arrien, Angeles, The Second Half of Life, Boulder, CO: Sounds True, 2005.
11. Starhawk, 1997.
12. Schachter-Shalomi, Zalman and Miller, Ronald S., From Age-ing to Sage-ing, New York: Warner, 1995.
13. Fox, 2004.
14. Walsch, Neale Donald, Meditations from Conversations with God, New York: Berkeley Books, 1997.
15. Ladinsky, Daniel (translator), Love Poems from God, New York: Penguin, 2002.
16. Fox, 2004.
17. Walsch, 1997.
18. Moore, 2004.
19. Fox, 2004.
