"You will surely forget your trouble,
recalling it only as waters gone by.
Life will be brighter than noonday,
and darkness will become like morning.
You will be secure, because there is hope;
you will look about you and take your rest in safety."
(The Book of Job, Chapter 11:16-18, The Bible, Today's New International Version )
In April at ChI, we study Mystical Judaism. It is interesting to note that the Eastern word ChI means “life energy,” and the Hebrew word for life is 'chai'. I am holding this connection in my heart as more than coincidence.
Our Mystical Judaism Module coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover commemorating the Jewish liberation from slavery in Egypt. In this time, we are also loosening the dark of winter and coming into the renewed life of springtime. Passover, a festival of spring, is what Jesus was attending in Jerusalem—commemorated as the 'Last Supper' in the communion rites of many Christian churches.
It is important to remember that Jesus was a practicing Jew. He would have celebrated Passover his whole life, meditating of themes of oppression and liberation into life and freedom.
A few days before the beginning of our module, ChI's Co-Director Jan Thomas asked if I could find a suitable piece of art for the cover of the packet of support materials that we give each student at the beginning of each module of intensive study. I thought of going to look in Huston Smith’s Illustrated World Religions. Then the thought popped into my mind—“it’s Friday night—I could light my great-great-grandmother’s Shabbos candlesticks and pray about this.” I have not had the desire to make art for many months, but that evening I prayed, “Oh God, I open myself to you. If it be your desire, give me an image to paint for our school about mystical Judaism.”
The next morning I awoke with two images. One was the Star of David (Mogen David) that sprouted into a tree, a Tree of Life, reminding me of the Song of Songs in the Jewish scriptures. Inside the golden star was the symbol Chai, which in Hebrew means 'life'. It is a combination of two letters, including the smallest letter of the Hebrew alphabet, Yod, which looks like a teardrop.
I began to sketch out the image and quickly found myself entering into a state of prayer as I drew. The Tree of Life became the Burning Bush that Moses knelt before when God spoke to him.
Judaism is a communal religion and a tribal religion. That is how it has survived through slavery, exile and holocaust. Part of me knew that to do this painting I needed to connect with my tribe. So I called Charles Michael Burack, PhD, now Head of the Psychology Program at JFK University. Charles, aka Chuck, has been my Jewish brother as well an adjunct faculty member and friend of ChI for many years. As we spoke, I continued to work on drawing.
The golden Chai at the center of the star began to be a stream of life, watering the tree, watering all of Judaism—and beyond, watering all of life, infusing life with vitality. I placed a second Chai underneath the star, as if it was tapping into the deep underground wellspring of spirituality that nurtures all creation.
The letter Yod, which is part of the two-letter word Chai, is like a seed—similar to the Om in Sanskrit. As the smallest letter of the Hebrew alphabet, it still holds the great power of germinating. Small golden Yods began to appear in my painting as fruit falling from the Burning Bush.
In Mystical Judaism it is said that once upon a time, great vessels of light were shattered, and that our work is to gather together those sparks of light and re-ignite the spirit in the heart of all beings and all creation. The painting began to take on the shape of a golden vessel, a golden egg, the womb of life, drawing the sparks back together, re-knitting them into a whole fabric of vibrating renewal.
As I drew and then painted, I called ChI Faculty Hana Matt, and we spoke about mystical Judaism, the kindling of light, renewal, and breaking free from limiting mindsets and behaviors, from the bondage of the past, from addictions. Meanwhile, the painting began to fill with vibrant color. Remembering the passage of the Jewish people fleeing Egypt through the sea as it parted, making way to the Promised Land, the image moved from a thought into an expression of the spark of Chai... of ChI.
Though I was born into a Jewish family post Holocaust, post Russian pogroms, I knew very little of my Jewish roots. We were secular Jews. Later when I was in my 30’s I met with my great-aunt. I was stunned when she told me that our great-great-great-grandfather was the Baal Shem Tov, Master of the Holy Names, the founder of the Jewish Hasidic movement. Why had no one told me?
Now this may be truth, or it may be family mythology, but she said we once had marriage documents that traced our lineage. “How is it,” I asked, “that no one ever told me about this?” My great-aunt replied, “We were persecuted. We were slaughtered. We were exiled. We came to America to assimilate and leave the past behind.”
When Hana Matt viewed the completed painting, she said it was as if I had captured an essential teaching of my ancestor the Baal Shem Tov, which flowed through me into the painting. Hana offered this visualization, which I will now share with you. Called the Light Meditation, it was recommended by the Baal Shem Tov in the 18th century:
"The Feminine Divine Presence, Shekhinah, rests on your head as light. Focus on this. Now imagine this light flowing down all around you and through you, filling you. You are sitting immersed in the midst of the light, sitting in the pure air. Imagine yourself filled with light. By this, you sanctify your place. Then you become a throne for the light of the Divine Presence.” (Source: Keter Shem Tov)
As I painted this meditation, I felt a deep connection to my heritage. I felt the waters of life bubble up in me. I felt the golden spark of Chai kindled in my heart. I felt reconnected to my tribe.
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My prayer is for all of us, that we may find freedom from the bondage of limiting behavior, fear, and addiction.
May we experience the renewal of this season of Spring.
May we experience the kindling of Yod—that germinating golden spark, that golden seed, the spark of life, the bursting forth of Chai.
To Life!